The Heart of Etiquette

“…in life, it is often the tiny details that end up being the most important.” 

-Lemony Snicket

 

VDDCO: Hello! We are excited to have you with us today. So, what exactly is protocol and etiquette?

ABIGAIL: Yes! So, they’re slightly different but a lot the same. Protocol refers more to the business and military side of things. Etiquette is also used in professional settings, but we mainly think of etiquette in terms of social settings–what it is perhaps expected.  

Etiquette helps to put your mind at ease, gives you more confidence in nearly any setting, and helps you to be more aware of the comfort and feelings of other people.  

Understanding these “rules” boosts our confidence in major ways and helps us to be more relaxed, and in turn, helps us to make others more relaxed.  The heart of etiquette is based on courtesy–being aware of other people and their feelings and comfort.

VDDCO: Some might wonder if the “rules” of etiquette are still relevant in a modern world, but you would answer in the affirmative?

ABIGAIL: Yes, still relevant in a modern world–they absolutely are. One of the important aspects is to figure out the principles behind the “rules” and it helps you to see their value, and then have a little bit creative with their implementation

For example: thank you notes. I think handwritten notes are fantastic–much better than getting bills in the mail, haha! However, there are ways we can be creative. Like if grandma sends a gift through the mail to your child, you can send her a video of your child opening the gift and saying thank you. 

VDDCO: Okay, so how exactly did you get involved in this field?

ABIGAIL: I was first introduced to etiquette in the packaging of “leadership skills.” I attended a leadership school for teens and loved the confidence boost I received when I learned how to dress and conduct myself appropriately for a professional setting.  

When I became a teacher, I was passionate about passing these skills along to my students through all-girl camps. I love seeing people blossom when they know how to present themselves well in order to connect with others.

Good manners are kind of magical in bringing people together and bringing certain people out of their shells. These people have so much to offer, and drawing them out is one of the biggest thrills for me. 

Etiquette is ever-evolving. It’s not about preserving the past, necessarily. Protocol and etiquette are always relevant, no matter what era we live in because these things are continually changing with the culture.

Sometimes we stop using an etiquette rule because it doesn’t apply anymore, while other times we add etiquette rules to help us gracefully navigate these new and exciting times.

VDDCO: Wow, that is all so great. But sometimes “the rules” can feel overwhelming for us or we tend to buck the system just because. So, what’s the first step in helping us find balance and perspective?

ABIGAIL: [laughing] Learning the rules made me want to rebel against them! And try being an etiquette consultant! It’s not something I want highlighted on a sash like, “Miss America.”

The important thing to remember when it comes to etiquette is to always cultivate an awareness of those around you.  

When you make it your aim to make others feel comfortable, wanted, and considered, you naturally make a good impression. When your focus is on you and how you appear to others, you miss out on so many great opportunities to make others feel great about themselves, which is the big secret to being liked. 🙂

Rules are for children, principles are for adults. Etiquette is not as well known these days, but when you do observe the rules, people notice that they feel around you.  It’s a superpower. So try to get away from that stigma of the rules.

Think about it this way, we watch makeup videos on Youtube.  Etiquette, then, is a tutorial of how to get along with people. When you implement these principles, it builds a foundation of influence with these people. You never know what small kindness in a relationship will reap benefits in the future.

VDDCO: Okay, so what’s one etiquette skill we should work to implement today? Give us an action step.

ABIGAIL: Oh, wow. What a great question! People’s names are really important–eye contact, handshake, mastering your introduction. This is the first connection with other people, the first time we touch. 

First impressions are all about making a good connection with another person. These are some tips:

• Capture eye contact with a pleasant expression
• Capture the handshake. Don’t hesitate, reach out!
• Capture the other person’s name (repeating it in the conversation can help)
• Capture some interesting information about the other person. Ask questions and follow-up questions to answers. Repeat what they’ve said to show that you’re listening, “So you’re saying that… (in your own words)” Smile, laugh, connect.

Be in the zone and prepped; be confident in yourself. There is that “fake it until you make it,” but try to feel your best. Sometimes, however, we have to push ourselves out of our comfort zone and then we make it.

It’s like learning to dance. At the awkward first dance class you have stiff limbs, feel clumsy, you have to push yourself. But eventually you flow and it becomes graceful and natural. The best people people are practiced.

VDDCO: Thank so much for chatting with us, Abigail! Your story and tips are inspiring, and we look forward to interviewing you again soon.

 

 

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Abigail George is a North Carolina based lifestyle YouTube content creator, blogger, certified etiquette coach, wife, and mommy. She is passionate about helping others to live their loveliest lives through inspirational content, etiquette tips, and lifestyle how-to’s. You can find her on the web at www.lovelythingswithabby.com and www.youtube.com/lovelythingswithabby.